Its Christmas time and I am struggling with a bruised and battered heart. As the season unfolds; my thinking bounces around… from the hurts of my past – to my inadequacy in the present – to the uncertainty of my future. I run a gauntlet of thoughts that recount my failures… point out my broken relationships… remind me of all that is lost.
I’m struck by how our culture’s “Christmas decorum” is entrenched in my thinking. Images of Christmas perfection are projected unto the screen in my head. While I cower among shadowy accusers… fingers point at me and then at the screen; voices call out and compare my tarnished reality with the angelic rejoicing I see there. I find myself trying to inject sparkle, glimmer and glitz in an effort to oust the darkness that has settled in my heart.
The battle is real… it rages quietly under the surface as I plan our family gathering, shop for presents and decorate my home. It’s not new… or profound… or uncommon. That’s why, in the middle of this season of joy I’m sharing with you the struggle within.
This Christmas, God is doing what God does… sending Jesus time and time again into my life to be the light that pierces the darkness of my thinking. He sends Jesus through my precious husband and son and daughters and through sisters in Christ who listen… and pray with me and for me. He sends Jesus through his Word that speaks the truth I need to hear.
What do I need to hear in the midst of this Christmas struggle?
Jesus comes to me even when I am cowering in the darkness. He shows me that tenderness and love overcomes offense and failure every time. His poverty and frailty exposes the ugly pride and gaudy excesses that the devil uses to destroy me. There is nothing more tender and helpless than a newborn baby. He doesn’t point to a false perfection… He gently and tenderly heals and reshapes my broken heart. God uses the birth of a baby to scatter my accusers and bring me into His glorious light!
Thank you Father for the gift of your son Jesus. You have fought the devils lies and accusations with the mighty force of a frail and tiny baby. His light defeats the darkness… His comfort heals my broken heart… His love restores my soul. All Glory to the newborn King!